Becoming Her

I spent the majority of my life longing to feel feminine.

When you grow up obese, with stretch marks by age eight, a unibrow, awkwardly tall, and big feet well, it doesn’t exactly scream “siren energy.”

I didn’t feel soft or delicate or radiant. I didn’t feel like a woman at all. I didn’t even feel like a girl. I felt like a fat person. I know that may sound harsh, but it was my truth then, that’s the phrase that was on repeat in my mind. That’s what I identified as. Just fat. Not male. Not female. Just…other. Just invisible.

I remember watching women who embodied femininity. I loved Marilyn Monroe and Audrey Hepburn, they were mesmerizing. Women who moved with confidence, who glowed with beauty, who looked like they belonged in their own skin. I didn’t envy them. I ached for that. I wanted to know what that kind of power felt like. What does it feel like to look in the mirror and see yourself, really see yourself, as a woman?

It was never about weight alone.
It was about identity. Wholeness. Alignment. Power.
I just wanted to feel at home in my body. I wanted to feel like a woman, not just be one biologically, but embody her.

And now, at almost 40, I finally do.

I’ve stepped into the femininity I chased for decades. And when people push back or offer their unsolicited opinions? I know their discomfort isn’t my responsibility.

Because truthfully, most of the people who criticize… could never understand what it’s like to live in a body that feels foreign. To wake up every day disconnected from the reflection in the mirror. To carry shame so deeply it buries your sense of self. I don’t blame them for not understanding, but I’ll never let their ignorance bother me again.

Let me be clear:
You can be beautiful on the outside, you can look feminine and polished and poised—but if your heart is unkind, if your words tear people down, your beauty means nothing. Real power is internal. It radiates from the soul outward.

I have no intention of being quiet.
In fact—I feel like screaming.

No more little white gloves.
No more softening myself to make people comfortable.
No more shrinking to fit into spaces I was born to transform.

My refusal to sit down, to be quiet is for anyone who’s ever battled confidence issues, self-worth wounds, body shame.
Celebrate yourself. Then speak about it.
Share your story.
Be the ripple that becomes a wave of self-love. Let there be a domino effect of confidence that sets this world on fire.

No, I will not sit down.
I will not stop posting selfies.
I will not stop talking about weight loss or mindset or healing or confidence.
I will not stop until every woman or any person for that matter who’s ever felt like just a fat girl or boy or not enough remembers who they really are.

Because this is what I was born to do.
This is what I was put here for.

To use my voice. From now on, no more little white gloves.

“As a child, I didn’t feel beautiful. I just felt different. But as I grew, I stopped waiting for permission to love myself. I gave it to myself – and that’s when I found my voice.” – Viola Davis