Becoming Her

Healing is not about erasing the past. It’s about learning to grow from it, transform through it, and make a conscious choice to create a new, more fulfilling life filled with joy. But choosing joy doesn’t mean ignoring the pain we caused or pretending the damage never happened. It doesn’t erase the responsibility I carry for the ways my addiction affected the people I love the most, my children.

The truth is, I can’t rewind time. I can’t give them back the years I lost to alcohol or undo the nights I wasn’t present in the way they deserved. That reality will always ache in my heart. But what I can do now is take ownership, walk in truth, and trust that something greater is being written through all of it.

I often pray that my children don’t just remember the pain of that season, but also the lessons hidden inside it. I hope they’ve learned resilience, the kind you only discover when life knocks you down and you have to rise anyway. I hope they’ve learned forgiveness, not only for me but as a way of living that frees them from bitterness that poisons your own heart. I hope they’ve learned self-control, understanding how one choice can change the course of a life, good or bad. And I hope they’ve learned that experience can be its own teacher, one no book can quite capture, it must be lived.

As much as I wish their journey had been smoother, I believe in divine timing. I believe there are no mistakes, only lessons. Each of my children carries a unique calling on their life. Just as I had my divine appointment, the moment my story shifted, they too will have theirs. Somehow, even my alcoholism, even their pain, is being woven into a tapestry that will lead them toward their own destiny, their own purpose.

That doesn’t take away the sting of regret, but it gives me faith to keep moving forward. Healing asks us to carry both: the responsibility for our past and the hope for our future. My children’s story is still unfolding, just as mine is, and I believe it will be beautiful, it is beautiful. 
So while my heart will always hold sorrow  for what was lost, and be adorned with scars, I will also hold onto the faith that nothing was wasted. Not one tear, not one broken moment. It’s all being redeemed.